Last Friday, one of my co-workers asked what I was up to for the evening. I casually told her that I was going out for dinner at one of my favourite restaurants. She became quite excited and started to guess who this ‘gentleman’ taking me out was; I stared in disbelief while listening to her ramble on for at least 5 minutes solid. She continued to reflect on the two weeks past in which she noticed the change in my gait and suspected that something was going well for me. Bemused, I tried to explain to her that there was no ‘gentleman’ and I was merely taking myself out to sit down and eat in a quiet and comfortable environment. She refused to believe me.
I have recently come to realise that I do a lot of things most persons would consider to be ‘social’ activities all by myself. I have never, in fact, considered my indifference toward company to be anything other than perfectly normal and healthy, and I am not too eager to cling to a ‘gentleman’ either. Of course, I respect those who feel the need to group or pair off more often than they are alone; whatever works for you.
In my own company, I have experienced much of the beauty that comes with life – cinema, concerts, dining, theatre, new year’s parties, long walks, trips abroad, an awful cricket match and much more. I must admit that I’ve seen people paired off and desired to experience such a connection; actually this was only one time at a concert – Juan Luis Guerra was performing in the open air and it was cold. I wanted someone to hold, simply because it was cold.
At the end of the day there is only one me, whom I have come to depend on and embrace. I believe my acceptance of my own company is better than others’ endless pursuit of validation through relationships, which are not always beneficial or healthy. Perhaps in a few years or even days, I will find myself completely rapt with someone, desiring their presence wherever I am, but for now I will live as I please, holding to the conviction that my life is going as it should, and changes will come when they are necessary.
Peace and love,