If you have lived in Jamaica or have been associated with Jamaicans, it is very likely that you have heard our urban proverb that “only two thing sure in a life – bun and death”1. While I am perhaps not the ideal person to offer commentary on ‘love relationships’; I do not agree that a cheating partner should be expected or tolerated.
My ardent followers and good friends will have noticed that my universal solution to interpersonal problems [bun inclusive] is honesty. Many people enter into relationships with only assumptions as to what their partners expect from them and they are also guilty of not pointing out to themselves – many people do not know what they are looking for – or their partner their goals and motives.
It is OK to want what you want, and you do not need to cheat someone’s emotions in order to get it. There are many individuals who are only interested in sex- no ‘strings’ attached, however because of societal norms they do not believe it is possible to engage in a strictly sexual relationship. They end up deceiving themselves and others by feigning what they think of as ‘love’.
I believe the two police officers who committed the murders/suicides in St. Mary and Manchester are the epitome of what can go wrong when people try to deceive themselves and each other. In these cases it seems the men perhaps decided that “if I can’t have her no one can” so man kills woman [and other people] then realizes that he cannot live without woman so he kills himself.
My advice to you, then, is to be aware of your motives; let your partner know what you are willing to give and what you expect in return. No individual has to be bound by norms or the expectations of those around them. I encourage you to embark on a clarity journey before committing yourself to another person. Ask yourself these questions to clear the clutter in your mind’s closet.
- If I could have it any way I wanted, if anything was possible, what would I want?
- Deep down, what do I desire?
- What’s the truth of this situation?
- What next step am I being pulled toward?
- What feels right?
Do not look for academically correct answers, just trust your desires and gut feeling. When you are finally clear on what you want, trust that it is exactly what is right for you and that is what you should be looking for, no compromises.
Consider the following rules if you find yourself obsessing over whether your partner is cheating on you.
- Rule Number One: You are always in charge [of yourself and your actions.]
- The man in the Manchester incident was reportedly angered by the fact that he had supported the woman financially and she still left him. Rule Number Two: You cannot buy a human being [not in Jamaica since 1838 anyway.] If you are not mentally capable of accepting that people are entitled to do what they want to do regardless of what you want and how much you have ‘invested’ in them, you are in no position to engage in any form of social interaction.
- Rule Number Three: It can end.
- Rule Number Four: When it does end, Life Goes On.
Happy Easter and walk good (well).
- translated: the only two guarantees of life are death and being cheated on [↩]