Volumizing Vagina in an era of of Pubic Baldness

I’ve said it before, that Jamaicans are quite a sex-obsessed lot. I noticed the following lyrics on my twitter timeline, during a heated discussion on Saturday evening about the appropriateness of ‘pum pum’ for airplay; it turns out that it wasn’t ‘pum pum1’ , after all, that was said in the cooked2 version of the song, but ‘bum bum3’.

“Mi tell dem man is not an issue cause mi pum pum tun up
Head a mash up, because mi pum pum tun up
A yah so good, so him nuh miss you cause mi pum pum tun up
Pum pum tun up, mi seh mi pum pum tun up”

I would love to translate these lines for my followers not so verse in the Jamaican patois,  but even I am embattled in analysis. Pum pum, of course, refers to the female genitalia; it is the use of the phrase ‘tun up’ that I cannot understand or justify. ‘Tun up’ directly translates to either elevated4, upturned, raised volumized(hair?), mixed, or even stirred. I think she means to say that her genitals are top notch, perhaps in the culturally glorified vise-like state of tightness, be it natural or artificial, or even with a little #WiggleRoom, as two of my followers seem to like.

A newspaper article from March, most inappropriately entitled Lesbians and Learning, spurred discussion on a gamut of issues related to teenaged girls’ sexuality. During a radio programme, one  parent complained that older men were texting her daughter and remarking on how ‘tight and young’ her schoolgirl’s vagina was; hers is, apparently, among the tun up pum pums. A more appropriately entitled article, Horrific!, related one doctor’s gory tale of boys and girls, as young as 18 months, being physically and psychologically infected or killed, as a result of being raped by adults or being a victim of non-consenting buggery (which in Jamaica is not legally termed rape, however unwilling either party was). These young bum bums and pum pums must have been very high on the tun up scale.

Maybe these young children’s pubic areas have not yet darkened enough to warrant use of the Fair and Lovely product, or perhaps these young pum pums are desirable because they do not need to shave; they are naturally bald, thus a lower cost of maintaining vagina. After all, are we not still in an economic recession?

Think about it, or not.

  1. female genitalia []
  2. as opposed to raw? []
  3. derriere []
  4. as with the level of crime that some Jamaicans are attributing to the PNPs resumption of office []
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  1. @SmittyRoyal
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:38 PM | Permalink

    I must say I found this blog post humorous at the outset. But the overall message is still not lost to the initial humor. There are seriously twisted individuals out there preying on our children, and it is evident that they need mental help, serious psychological evaluations and help.
    We are a society that glorifies the vagina, and rightly so. It is to be treasured and indeed is a true treasure, but in the sexual context, it should only be considered when speaking of grown women, not little girls.

  2. @SmittyRoyal
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:43 PM | Permalink

    PS: The definition/explanation for “elevated” HAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! You Ma’am do not play. LOVE IT!!!!!

  3. Sheena Patchai
    Posted May 15, 2012 at 1:25 PM | Permalink

    Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Lmao!

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